


She Likes Umbrellas

by Yubsie



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett, The Sandman
Genre: Dancing, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-20
Updated: 2012-10-20
Packaged: 2017-11-16 17:03:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/541813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yubsie/pseuds/Yubsie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Death of the Discworld throws a party and invites others in the business. And becomes quite interested in Death of the Endless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She Likes Umbrellas

“You’re doing _what_ , Grandfather?”

I AM THROWING A PARTY.

Susan raised an eyebrow. “A party? Why are you throwing a _party_?”

I HAD NOT GOTTEN THE IMPRESSION THAT HUMANS REQUIRED A REASON TO HOLD A PARTY.

Susan shook her head. “And who exactly do you intend to invite to this party of yours?”

COLLEAGUES, PERSONIFICATIONS, A COUPLE OF GODS. AND I WAS HOPING YOU WOULD COME.

“You’re not supposed to have parties. You’re just _not_. This is another one of your crazy ideas. I won’t encourage this nonsense. How can you have a party, anyway? You have the Duty!”

THE WORLD WILL NOT GRIND TO A HALT IF I DO NOT CHECK UP ON IT FOR A FEW HOURS.

“But there are people who expect a _personal_ appearance.”

MY SCHEDULE IS CLEAR. RINCEWIND NEVER KEEPS HIS APPOINTMENTS.

“Grandfather?”

WOULD YOU PREFER I INVITE HIM?

“I would _prefer_ you drop this foolishness. But you’re quite set on it, aren’t you?”

YES. I TAKE IT YOU WILL NOT ATTEND, THEN.

Susan sighed. “I know how this is going to nd. You’ll manage to actually get drunk, or you’ll decide some other god’s job is more fun, or you’ll run off to join the Fools’ Guild! And then I’ll be expected to _fix_ it all. If I don’t come, who would keep you out of trouble?”

AND YOU NEVER KNOW, YOU MIGHT JUST ENJOY YOURSELF.

***

Death was not accustomed to receiving mail. Her address was, after all, about as unlisted as they come. Since she had no mailbox, the black envelope materialised on the end table next to a magazine.

Inside, she found a black card decorated with skulls and omegas. Surprisingly unspidery writing informed her that she was cordially invited to festivities a couple realities over. It was signed DEATH.

She couldn’t recall being introduced to this particular personification, but she was never one to turn down an invitation to a party. Now, what hat to wear?

***

Susan surveyed the room in wonder. Her grandfather’s struggle with scale clearly extended to guest lists. The room was large beyond human comprehension, but he had managed to invite enough beings to actually fill it.

The crowd was a near complete catalogue of that part of the universe she preferred to forget as “Not Normal”. The other Horsemen were present, though Mrs. War seemed less than ecstatic about the whole situation. The Hogfather was chatting up several girls Susan recognised as members of the tooth fairy franchise. Several storm gods were arguing over who had the biggest lightning bolt. And pouring himself another drink–

Susan walked briskly to her grandfather’s side. “You did _not_ invite the god of wine! He causes no end of trouble!”

HE IS ASSISTING THE CATERER. Before Susan could continue, he pointed a skeletal finger at a girl wearing a top hat. DO YOU KNOW WHO SHE IS?

Susan felt her hair escaping its tight control. “You don’t mean to tell me that you don’t know who your own guests are. How should I know, then? Maybe one of the tooth fairy girls.”

AZRAEL SENT THE INVITATION OUT TO OTHERS IN THE BUSINESS.

“The business?” Susan wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer.

THERE ARE OTHER REALMS THAN THIS WITH NEED FOR THE DUTY.

“So you decided you would...”

SHE IS RATHER PRETTY.

Susan took a step backwards. “You did _not_ just say that.”

I THINK I SHALL INTRODUCE MYSELF.

Somehow, that did not surprise her.

***

Death took a sip of her drink. It was fizzy and came with a cute black umbrella stuck in it. She had to admit, it was a fairly unusual sight.

HELLO.

She turned and flashed the speaker a smile. “Hi!”

ARE YOU ENJOYING THE PARTY?

Not a question she was accustomed to hearing. She grinned. “It’s absolutely peachy! I just love parties!”

I DO NOT BELIEVE WE HAVE MET.

“We haven’t, which is definitely a pretty _weird_ feeling. I’m Death.” She cautiously extended a hand in greeting.

After a moment’s hesitation, her new friend took it in his own skeletal grip. I AM ALSO CALLED DEATH.

She looked him up and down. Black robe, skeleton, glowing blue eyes. The name wasn’t exactly surprising. She giggled. “Well, that’s just going to get confusing. How ‘bout you call me Didi instead?”

VERY WELL, DIDI. YOU MAY CALL ME BILL.

“Bill?”

YES. BILL DOOR.

She gave another giggle. “Oh, that’s just like in _City of Angels_!”

I DO NOT FOLLOW.

“It’s a movie. When the angel went down to Earth, he couldn’t think of a last name, so he said he was Seth Plate.”

AH, YES. MOVING PICTURES.

“Anyway, Bill, what’s a busy fellow like you doing here?”

I AM THE HOST.

“Oh, of course!” He did look to be the sort who would use black stationery. “Let me tell you, I was certainly surprised to get your invitation!”

WAS IT UNWELCOME?

She laid a hand on his forearm, not flinching when she felt only bone beneath the drooping sleeve. “Not at all, I was thrilled! I’m just usually a pretty unwelcome party guest, that’s all.”

EVEN COSTUME PARTIES TEND TO GO DOWNHILL AT MIDNIGHT.

“Ooh, I bet your costume is a big hit until then though!” She beamed. “Sometimes, if I’m lucky, people won’t recognize me under a mask. As soon as I take it off though...”

A SHAME, SINCE YOU HAVE SUCH A LOVELY FACE.

She cocked her head to one side, uncertain what was happening. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

She was sure that if “Bill” had blood vessels, he would be blushing. As it was, the skull swung wildly about. UMM... THAT IS A VERY NICE HAT YOU’RE WEARING.

She reached up to touch the brim. “Thanks! You should see the other four hundred!”

FOUR HUNDRED?

She shrugged. “I’ve had a long time to collect.”

Bill nodded. YES, IT IS GOOD TO HAVE HOBBIES.

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. My brothers would do well to remember that. Well, two of them, at any rate.”

Bill glanced down. MIGHT I FETCH YOU ANOTHER DRINK, MISS DIDI?

She smiled. “That would be wonderful, Bill.”

***

Death was cut off on his way to the bar by a clearly irate Susan. “I knew this would happen! Didn’t I tell you? You actually managed to get _drunk_! I don’t believe it. Oh, but that must be it!”

IF THIS IS INTOXICATION, IT IS NOT FROM THE DRINK. THAT REQUIRES GLANDS.

“Well, I thought acting like a lovesick fool did too. That’s what you’ve always said.”

SUSAN, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING.

“Well I don’t understand what _you_ are _doing_.”

I AM DISCUSSING MATTERS OF MUTUAL INTEREST WITH A CHARMING YOUNG LADY.

“Oh, is _that_ what you’re doing? I could have sworn I saw you flirting with a girl who is far, far, _far_ too young for you.”

SHE IS NOT.

“Grandfather, _look_ at her. She’s younger than I am! That’s far too young for you.”

SHE IS NOT. SHE IS NEITHER AS YOUNG NOR AS HUMAN AS SHE APPEARS.

“You people aren’t supposed to do this!”

SUSAN, I DID NOT THINK YOU WERE OF A MIND WITH THE AUDITORS.

“Grandfather!” Susan’s hair flew out of last remaining control she had over it.

NOW EXCUSE ME, THE YOUNG LADY IS THIRSTY AND WOULD LIKE HER DRINK.

“I thought you said she was one of your lot.”

Death sighed as best anyone could without lungs. IT WAS A FIGURE OF SPEECH. IT IS STILL RUDE TO KEEP A LADY WAITING. With that, Death headed over to where the god of wine was tending bar.

“Why, I didn’t think you drank,” the god commented with a laugh. “Nowhere for it to go, might get a bit messy.”

THAT HAS NEVER STOPPED ME.

“Well then, I wasn’t about to question the host. What can I get for you?”

SOMETHING CHEERFUL.

“Cheerful, you say?”

WITH AN UMBRELLA.

The god raised a divine eyebrow. “An umbrella?”

SHE LIKES UMBRELLAS.

The god grinned. “Oh ho, she? Well, that makes all the difference! Did you remember to invite enough love gods?”

MY DRINK? SHE IS WAITING.

The god handed him a glass of something pink and fizzy with the requisite little black umbrella proudly stuck in. Death ignored the snickers from various guests as he carried the glass back to Didi.

He did, however, take note of her grin as she took the drink. “Oh think you Bill!” She paused and examined his hands. “Nothing for you?”

IS IT EXPECTED?

“You’re not thirsty? No, I suppose you wouldn’t be.”

GLANDS. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT DOWN?

“That would be wonderful. Is there a couch or anything around here?”

THIS WAY.

In keeping with the rest of the room, the couch was large and black. Death had never realized the scale until he saw it come up to Didi’s waist. She shrugged and jumped up onto it. He sat down next to her.

“So, who was the young lady you were talking to?” Didi had an easy manner of conversation that he still struggled to cultivate.

MY GRANDDAUGHTER.

Didi’s eyes lit up. “You have a family? Oh, tell me all about them!”

THERE IS ONLY SUSAN NOW. LONG AGO, I ADOPTED A LITTLE GIRL. YSABEL MARRIED MY APPRENTINCE, MORT. THEY WOULD BRING YOUNG SUSAN TO VISIT ME SOMETIMES, UNTIL THEY DECIDED IT WAS BETTER SHE HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ALL THIS.

Didi gave a sympathetic sigh. “Family dysfunction.”

THEY SENT SUSAN AWAY TO A SCHOOL TO BE EDUCATED IN RECEIVING AN EDUCATION. SHE GREW UP FAR TOO FOND OF LOGIC WITH A DISTASTE FOR WHAT IS REAL, BUT SHE IS MY GRANDDAUGHTER. SHE IS VERY CAPABLE. YSABEL AND MORT DIED SEVERAL YEARS AGO. IT WAS UNFORTUNATE.

Didi scrunched her eyes shut. “Oh, I _hate_ it when it’s family.”

YOU HAVE EXPERIENCE?

She nodded solemnly. “One sister, one brother.”

IT’S YOUR TURN.

“Pardon?”

I WISH TO HEAR ABOUT _YOUR_ FAMILY.

She laughed and adjusted her position on the couch. “I hope you’re seated comfortably, it takes quite a bit of telling.”

DISCOMFORT REQUIRES NERVES.

“All right, I suppose the easiest place to start is with my big brother. Destiny can be a bit stuffy, but he’s very reliable and always keeps a cool head in any situation. After me, there’s Dream. He’s pretty new, after the old one died.” She continued on calmly. “Poor guy, he’s still a little bit lost. Good heart though. Destruction left a few centuries ago.” Something in her eyes might have been pain. “We all miss him a lot still. Desire... I want my family to be happy, but Desire is happiest when it’s causing trouble. Despair mostly keeps to herself, but she cares in her own way. Finally, there’s Delirium. Del’s a good kid. Really messed up, but a good kid.”

YOU CERTAINLY HAVE QUITE THE FAMILY.

Didi shrugged. “It may be dysfunctional, but we’re still family. That’s what counts in the end, right?”

I... SUPPOSE SOI HAVE NEVER GIVEN THE MATTER MUCH CONSIDERATION.

“Really? I think about it a lot.”

I SELDOM SEE SUSAN WHEN THE FABRIC OF REALITY IS NOT IN DANGER. I FEAR SHE WANTS LITTLE TO DO WITH ME

Didi smiled. “Family... It’s a rare century when we’re all together. If I didn’t go looking for them, I’d never get to see anyone, I fear.” She tilted her head to the side. “Do you hear that?”

Death glanced around. HEAR WHAT?

“That music!”

THIS IS A PARTY. THE GOD OF MUSIC SEEMED AN APPROPRIATE GUEST.

She set her hat down on the couch and took his hand. “Wanna dance?”

He drew her to his feet. I AM FAMED FOR IT

The dance floor was crowded, but the area immediately surrounding the pair was always mysteriously an exception.

“I haven’t heard music like this since... oh, since Orpheus’s wedding.”

WHO WAS HE? Death asked, twirling her under his arm.

“My nephew. Dream’s son... the first one. There never was anyone who could play quite like him.”

Death didn’t need to ask what had become of the boy. In the end, it was always the same. Instead, he drew Didi closer, knowing neither of them would ever step on the other’s feet.

“You really are a fantastic dancer,” she said, laughing at her own words.

The music changed from a waltz to a polka. The more stately guests retreated to the sidelines, only to be replaced with great enthusiasm by others. Didi shifted easily to the new tempo and posture, giggling as Death’s bones clattered with each hop. “Destiny would definitely not approve of this.”

Death’s eyes drifted momentarily into the crowd. I AM FAIRLY CERTAIN THAT SUSAN DOES NOT APPROVE EITHER. 

“What makes you say that?”

Death lifted his partner quickly. SHE SEEMS TO BE GLARING AT US.

“Oh, let her glare. It’s not hurting anyone!”

Death nodded and smoothly changed rhythms again as the polka segued into a foxtrot.

“Quite an interesting variety of music, isn’t it?” Didi commented.

A HOST MUST STRIVE TO PLEASE ALL HIS GUESTS.

Didi glanced around at the eclectic assortment of beings on and off the dance floor. “Quite a tall order. You seem to be managing though.”

DOES THIS MUSIC PLEASE YOU? That had rapidly and surprisingly become his primary concern.

“Oh, I think it’s all just peachy!” There was that grin again. There was something irresistible about it.

I AM PLEASED THEN.

The music changed slightly. Didi stopped, seeming puzzled. “I’m not sure I know this one.”

THIS IS THE TURKEYTROT. A FAVOURITE IN LANCRE. CARE TO LEARN? Death extended a skeletal hand.

Didi took it and stepped closer. “Always.”

Death attempted to modulate his voice as he instructed her in the steps. However, the crowd still stopped to stare as he intoned, AND BACK AND LEFT AND RIGHT AND BACK...

Didi didn’t notice the others staring. Or perhaps she didn’t care. She rose to the occasion beautifully, following his lead flawlessly every time.

ARE YOU CERTAIN YOU DO NOT KNOW THIS DANCE?

Didi shrugged. “I learn fast. Gotta move with the times. Oh, is that a tango?”

Death clacked his fingers together. INDEED.

“And you don’t even need castanets.” She grabbed a black rose from a nearby vase and gripped it in her teeth. Susan was wrong about how young Didi looked. There was an intensity about her in this dance that could only come with great age and seeing more than humans could ever understand. He hadn’t really noticed it before. To have seen the same things he had and yet still be able to laugh so lightly... she was truly extraordinary.

Didi discarded the rose and held up a finger as the dance ended. “I’ll be back in just a second.” She scampered off to give instructions to the band. The intensity didn’t vanish, but it was somehow less important than her brightness. She returned as the band struck up an unfamiliar song.

WHAT IS THIS?

She grinned. “The hand jive. You taught me one, it’s only fair that I return the favour. It’s really easy, just do what I do.”

Death deftly mimicked her energetic movements. Didi laughed as his bones rattled on every snap and clap, and he found himself trying to do the same.

“Oh I just knew you were born to hand jive!” Didi exclaimed.

BORN?

Didi waved a hand dismissively. “Oh, you know what I mean.”

The hand jive faded into the final song of the night. It was a slow piece without specific steps. He pulled Didi in close as they drifted in a slow circle. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his rib cage. She stayed there a moment after the music ended, before pulling back to say, “I had a really nice time tonight, Bill.”

She braced her hands against his collarbone to steady herself as she stood on her toes to place a light kiss on Death’s cheekbone.

There was no physical sensation, due to the lack of nerves, but the gesture touched him all the same. Not the part of him that was concerned with duty, but the part that was Bill Door. The part of himself that had those ideas Susan always complained about. It was rare enough that he met someone who understood the first part. But she was something special. She could kiss unfeeling bone without being asked. She might just be able to understand that other part of him.

She took his hand in hers as they strolled back to the couch to reclaim her hat. She set it back on her head and began to leave. “We should do this again sometime.”

Death nodded. THAT IS A GOOD IDEA.


End file.
